Alright, life is a bit overwhelming right now. I've quit one of my many current jobs so that I could focus on literally everything else. It's a bit freeing physically in a sense that I now have one less obligation to do but then the anxiety kicks in due to my unknown future.
I now also realized (as it was pointed out to me) is that I seem to always get along with people who's going to leave sooner or later. Right now, all my closest friends in this city are those who will leave eventually (heck, one of them is moving to Japan in January). Considering that I'm super new to this place, I never realized how much my social circle is in constant flux (one of my many causes of the anxiety).
Tried to focus on another thing, been trying to play the violin. I think I'm just not in the right mood constantly, as I tend to lose focus on everything I'm doing, and especially the violin ugh. It feels like the only productive part of my daily practice is the first 15 minutes, and beyond that is just fodder for my frustrations. Practicing for 15 minutes isn't enough, but getting angry at a hobby doesn't bode well either. I've been also trying to read more but the more I read the more depressed I get. To be fair, that one's my fault, I've been picking books that isn't exactly the most chipper of topic. They don't exactly have a downer ending either, just simply... bittersweet... The sweet part is alright but the bitter parts stays with me. The other thing about these bittersweet books is that I seem to pick those that I can relate to, so it kinda even amplifies that feeling of sadness in my life, as though as I'm experiencing the bitter parts and the sweet (of the bitter"sweet") parts are nowhere in sight.
Man I'm such a Debby Downer now. I feel stagnated in my own little island.
As it was pointed out to me on that one faithful evening: "You must feel pretty lonely, don't you?"
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