Lots of people been asking me, "So Jerry, anyone you interested in?" Honestly, I kept on telling them the same thing. I'm graduating soon, I don't know where I will be after I graduate, so its probably not fair for the girl if I do get into a relationship and then buzz off to some distant land. But then again, right now my young life seems to be filled with constant relocation, so a relationship in general seems to be... well... unfair.
Maybe I'll be a guy version of a cat lady. What's a guy version of a cat lady? A bat gentleman :^)
*pause for laughter*
No please, don't go. I'll stop with the lame jokes, for now.
__________________________
The first week of class is officially over. I'm currently taking 3 statistics courses and an elective.
The 3 stats courses are survey sampling, probability and statistics, and stochastic processes, while the elective is intro to Japanese はい！Thankfully, I have friends and acquaintances in all of my classes. Did you know, there's only like 6 students in my stochastic processes class, while there's 9 students in my survey sampling class. Since these are all 4th year courses, these are the pretty much the faces I've seen consistently along my journey. Some of the 3rd year stats courses are prerequisites for other majors, so I do not see them anymore beyond those classes (like my probability and statistics class, which has around 26 students). Honestly, I would not have passed my previous semesters without these people. There are some things that students who gets it explained it better to me, than the professors who have taught the course for more than a decade. I tried self studying/visiting the professor for one of the course once, and it went horribly. I could not understand it, and the professor did not do a good job explaining it to me, but a peer, they seem to know why and what's up. And now, these peer, who I have been seeing in my classroom for awhile, are taking the final classes of statistics with me. I am eternally grateful for their presence and guidance, and I hope you guys could help me get through this semester too.
The Japanese class should be fine. My other friend once told me that the locals that attend the class tend to be those anime-watching people like me. After only 2 classes, I can confirm that statement.
Friday, 7 September 2018
Wednesday, 5 September 2018
Slow Start
After months of planning and stuff, the science orientation finally happened. It was 6 hours of crowds and crowds of people, furniture moving, and many more. The team was all satisfied with the end result. I heard there were comments from my supervisor's supervisor, that it wasn't "perfect", but if you wanted the perfect event, it is destined to fail then. There were many hiccups throughout the events, but we pulled through. We made up things on the go and I think we all did a good job.
Now that this is over, it's time to focus on classes. The new semester is starting, and hopefully its my last.
My dad sent me photos of my brother and my parents together (as one would do when visiting), and gosh, my mom looked horrible, she looks like she barely slept for the past few weeks. I can't blame her though, if my mom was in a coma, and I'm constantly visiting her hoping for some action from her, I'll probably have plenty of sleepless nights too. Not just that, when I was talking to my dad, my dad told me mom's watching TV (at 11pm), that's way past her bedtime. I wonder how home is doing.
That is one of the less nice things of the conversation with my dad, the other not so nice conversation was that he wasn't too happy that my future plans include Germany and/or Sweden. Basically along the lines that: "If you wanted to go to those places, you shouldn't have went to Canada to begin with." But it's not that simple, if not because of my experiences here, I wouldn't even think so much about those two countries. Before that, all I cared about Germany is that their World Cup champions and they have nice car, while Sweden is ABBA and Zlatan-land.
Actually, ever since after secondary school (when my parents are less strict towards me), I've been wanting things that my parents do not agree with (I'm not including things like tattoos but my parents weren't happy with that either). First off, I didn't want to be an engineer. That was the toughest message to send to my parents. I kinda made myself have bad grades in physics back in secondary school just to let them know that "Hey, I really don't want to be an engineer" (and now that I'm in university, I now know just "engineer" means nothing, there's civil, mechanical, electrical, etc. etc. and they're all different). My parents either wanted me to become an engineer or a doctor, but doctor was out of the question because that requires many many years of practice and it gets too pricey, so when I said I didn't want to be an engineer, and my grades were out, I think my entire household was in turmoil. There were lots of screaming, and accusation that I will have no future and stuff like that.
The other thing that my parents weren't happy about is that I want to study in Canada. They think it's too far, and were hoping if I'd study somewhere closer. When I was looking at Canadian unis, my mom was researching about other non-Canadian, nearer unis like those in Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan... I remember it was just so annoying that she kept on pushing all these unis while I already told them, "hey, I want to go to Canada". I mean, all these aren't exactly small life choices, especially for a guy from some small insignificant country (Heck, the two people I dated didn't know where Malaysia is initially!).
Although I don't mind furthering my career in Canada, what I want is to migrate to Germany or Sweden for work. That's what I want. My stay there is amazing and I wouldn't have had that opportunity if I hadn't been to Canada. But you know, that's the hard part, finding a job in those 2 countries. Do I intend to defy my parents again at this stage of my life? Probably. Is it selfish? Probably? But its what I want, and I intend to see this through.
I have not live in Germany as long as I have in Sweden, but from that month, I thought it was pretty nice! Maybe it's different if I were to work in the big city, as I was studying in a rather small, quaint area, but it's nice! As for Sweden, I remember at one point the Giantess thinks that I do not want to come to work in Sweden, but I'm gonna tell you what I told her, and that is that I loved it. I love the atmosphere, I love the people, I love it all, and it doesn't matter that the tax is high because I'm sure the pay covers it, it'd be cruel if it does not. So yeah, that's my goal. That's what waking me up in the morning. Honestly, this summer was cruel as hell, I was like a headless chicken, but this... this is my goal, this is what pushing me forward, to do things I thought I will never do. Nothing is set in stone, and I'll be damned if I give up just like that.
Now that this is over, it's time to focus on classes. The new semester is starting, and hopefully its my last.
My dad sent me photos of my brother and my parents together (as one would do when visiting), and gosh, my mom looked horrible, she looks like she barely slept for the past few weeks. I can't blame her though, if my mom was in a coma, and I'm constantly visiting her hoping for some action from her, I'll probably have plenty of sleepless nights too. Not just that, when I was talking to my dad, my dad told me mom's watching TV (at 11pm), that's way past her bedtime. I wonder how home is doing.
That is one of the less nice things of the conversation with my dad, the other not so nice conversation was that he wasn't too happy that my future plans include Germany and/or Sweden. Basically along the lines that: "If you wanted to go to those places, you shouldn't have went to Canada to begin with." But it's not that simple, if not because of my experiences here, I wouldn't even think so much about those two countries. Before that, all I cared about Germany is that their World Cup champions and they have nice car, while Sweden is ABBA and Zlatan-land.
Actually, ever since after secondary school (when my parents are less strict towards me), I've been wanting things that my parents do not agree with (I'm not including things like tattoos but my parents weren't happy with that either). First off, I didn't want to be an engineer. That was the toughest message to send to my parents. I kinda made myself have bad grades in physics back in secondary school just to let them know that "Hey, I really don't want to be an engineer" (and now that I'm in university, I now know just "engineer" means nothing, there's civil, mechanical, electrical, etc. etc. and they're all different). My parents either wanted me to become an engineer or a doctor, but doctor was out of the question because that requires many many years of practice and it gets too pricey, so when I said I didn't want to be an engineer, and my grades were out, I think my entire household was in turmoil. There were lots of screaming, and accusation that I will have no future and stuff like that.
The other thing that my parents weren't happy about is that I want to study in Canada. They think it's too far, and were hoping if I'd study somewhere closer. When I was looking at Canadian unis, my mom was researching about other non-Canadian, nearer unis like those in Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan... I remember it was just so annoying that she kept on pushing all these unis while I already told them, "hey, I want to go to Canada". I mean, all these aren't exactly small life choices, especially for a guy from some small insignificant country (Heck, the two people I dated didn't know where Malaysia is initially!).
Although I don't mind furthering my career in Canada, what I want is to migrate to Germany or Sweden for work. That's what I want. My stay there is amazing and I wouldn't have had that opportunity if I hadn't been to Canada. But you know, that's the hard part, finding a job in those 2 countries. Do I intend to defy my parents again at this stage of my life? Probably. Is it selfish? Probably? But its what I want, and I intend to see this through.
I have not live in Germany as long as I have in Sweden, but from that month, I thought it was pretty nice! Maybe it's different if I were to work in the big city, as I was studying in a rather small, quaint area, but it's nice! As for Sweden, I remember at one point the Giantess thinks that I do not want to come to work in Sweden, but I'm gonna tell you what I told her, and that is that I loved it. I love the atmosphere, I love the people, I love it all, and it doesn't matter that the tax is high because I'm sure the pay covers it, it'd be cruel if it does not. So yeah, that's my goal. That's what waking me up in the morning. Honestly, this summer was cruel as hell, I was like a headless chicken, but this... this is my goal, this is what pushing me forward, to do things I thought I will never do. Nothing is set in stone, and I'll be damned if I give up just like that.
__________________________
 |
| Figure 39.1: I guess Swedes does this? |
Saturday, 1 September 2018
The Eternal Questions: Electric Kettle vs Stove Top Kettle
This question has been running through my mind for as long as I fantasize having my own apartment. Electric kettle or stove top kettle?
There are many pros and cons to each of them, unlike rice cooker vs pot (had a brief discussion about this with the Giantess before). Every time I walk by the kitchen section of some lifestyle store, my eyes always glances through all those beautiful shiny stainless steel/copper kettles. The thought of the whistling of a kettle makes me happy, although some may find it annoying (just like how some may find those mechanical keyboards tik-tak noise annoying).
Aesthetically, the kettle wins this hands down. There is an issue though, I feel like kettles will either be extremely beautiful, or it's gonna stuck out like a sore thumb (depending on the looks of your kitchen too), whereas an electric kettle is very "safe". Pretty much every kitchen has an electric kettle, unless you pick one of those strange looking one with owls and cows, it's gonna look normal no matter how the kettle is.
The other thing I have to consider is space. A stove top kettle guarantees that one of your stove will always be occupied, while the electric one guarantees that one of your outlet will always be occupied. Yeah sure you could get those extension cords, but I will try to avoid using them in my future apartment, I feel that using extension cords means that I own too many redundant electronics, I should be able to live with the current amount provided, but that also depends on the layout of the apartment. I hope my future place is generous with it's outlets! Anyway, back to kettles. By being constantly on the stove means that there's more space on the counter, and vice versa. So it also depends on how much I'll be cooking and such. I think that I wouldn't be using all 4 stove top at a time (unless I'm cooking for more than myself). But still, despite all these, an electric kettle still takes up less space overall than the stove top kettle.
Overall, I guess it really depends on how the kitchen would look like. Lots of counter space? Sure, just get an electric kettle. Not enough counter space? Maybe consider a stove top kettle? Does the kitchen looks super hipster? GET A STOVE TOP KETTLE!
I could always use a pot, but I use too much hot water for it to be convenient.
There are many pros and cons to each of them, unlike rice cooker vs pot (had a brief discussion about this with the Giantess before). Every time I walk by the kitchen section of some lifestyle store, my eyes always glances through all those beautiful shiny stainless steel/copper kettles. The thought of the whistling of a kettle makes me happy, although some may find it annoying (just like how some may find those mechanical keyboards tik-tak noise annoying).
Aesthetically, the kettle wins this hands down. There is an issue though, I feel like kettles will either be extremely beautiful, or it's gonna stuck out like a sore thumb (depending on the looks of your kitchen too), whereas an electric kettle is very "safe". Pretty much every kitchen has an electric kettle, unless you pick one of those strange looking one with owls and cows, it's gonna look normal no matter how the kettle is.
 |
| Figure 38.1: It's red, it lights up blue when its turned on, and it looks fine |
The other thing I have to consider is space. A stove top kettle guarantees that one of your stove will always be occupied, while the electric one guarantees that one of your outlet will always be occupied. Yeah sure you could get those extension cords, but I will try to avoid using them in my future apartment, I feel that using extension cords means that I own too many redundant electronics, I should be able to live with the current amount provided, but that also depends on the layout of the apartment. I hope my future place is generous with it's outlets! Anyway, back to kettles. By being constantly on the stove means that there's more space on the counter, and vice versa. So it also depends on how much I'll be cooking and such. I think that I wouldn't be using all 4 stove top at a time (unless I'm cooking for more than myself). But still, despite all these, an electric kettle still takes up less space overall than the stove top kettle.
Overall, I guess it really depends on how the kitchen would look like. Lots of counter space? Sure, just get an electric kettle. Not enough counter space? Maybe consider a stove top kettle? Does the kitchen looks super hipster? GET A STOVE TOP KETTLE!
I could always use a pot, but I use too much hot water for it to be convenient.
 |
| Figure 38.2: No no! |
__________________________
So I hit a difficulty curve for the Swedish Duolingo. I realised I never really did learn the plural form of words, and am working on that. It's not really a struggle, it's just something new. Before that, it's more of a revision, things I have learnt before and am you know... catching up with it. As for the German Duolingo, I think there's some sort of bug. It's really really easy, and no, I'm not showing off, I mean it because they ask the same questions up to three times in a row, so my German score on Duolingo is pretty inflated.
Also in Swedish, I'm always confused with mus. Every time I read it out loud (or in my head), I always think that mus = moose. I always chuckle when the question ask me to translate: Musen äter osten. I was like: "Easy! But also, why is a moose eating cheese? Oh Duolingo~", and then I got marked incorrect. I have no problem with älg though, which is the proper word for moose.
The other small thing that I annoy myself with is that I tend to capitalize the nouns in Swedish because that's what you do in German. Duolingo also drains so much battery o_o, but other than that, my quest to learn is going fine.
Thursday, 30 August 2018
The Pre-season
Only a week left till the new semester starts, and it already feels like it's getting busier.
I work as one of the orientation coordinators, which means my life right now is way more busy. As the day approaches, we got to make sure everything is set. Before this week, we call to do bookings and what not. Now, we call to make sure they arrive on time! The down side of St John's is that there's only so many businesses that deals in certain things (ex: everyone goes to the same Dominos for catering because it's the closest/ Everyone orders their swag T-shirts from the same company), and apparently there were cases in previous years that the stuff arrives late because they had lots to do that day. The final preparations are the most stressful, but it also kind of feels rewarding. The fruit of our labours are starting to come to fruition. The only problem I can see that my colleague and I aren't exactly public speakers, so I guess I kind of afraid of going up the stage and give us a speech during the orientation (and so does my colleague).
Not only that, because classes are starting (and contracts and leases are expiring), I am helping friends move to their new places. Sometimes after work, I just goes straight to whatever place they were living and pick up some boxes and suitcases and whatnot and carry them to their new place. So, that's what I'm doing in the morning and the afternoon, what about the evening? Well, evening I play. I play and watch whatever video game or tv shows I want to watch before working on some other stuff. I've emailed the head of the stats department some time ago and he finally replied. I asked him about the viability of a stats degree and what not, and he reassured me that "yes, it's very viable". He also said some of his former students did some online course on SAS. I always thought R is transferable to SAS, but I did see some job postings where they only want SAS, so I guess I should start picking up SAS then! At night, before I sleep, I dabble in some Duolingo for German and Swedish). I've been trying to consistently doing the exercises on it. So far, it's pretty easy (as I did not exactly start from absolute beginner), but I'm sure the difficulty is gonna ramp up once it reaches a point, especially German.
I've also been meaning to continue practicing American Sign Language. Unfortunately, I can't find any place that teaches it here. The only place so far that offers ASL is the Newfoundland Deaf Association. As cool as it sounds, the website looks shady as hell, and if it is legitimate, then they're probably not active anymore. The last update on the website was in July 2016. I did try calling them, but no one picked up. Shame, I really had fun learning ASL back then, but the tutor found a job elsewhere and had to leave the island.
Been playing Dragon Age 2. At first, I was super confused about it's map system. Boy, Kirkwall is huge! There's this day and night system, and all these different levels. The games too early for me to be this badass lightning shootin' fireball spewin' mage, but so far so good! Love it when they clump up so I can fireball them baddies.
No news from my family about my grandma. What that means is that there are no bad news (in this case, worse news) so far, which is good. The downside is that our family group chat has been awfully quiet of late, so that's bad. It has to be super rough for them, especially my mom. My mom's side of the family isn't like a "traditional" Chinese family in the sense that she does not have 7+ siblings, so they're all pretty close, and all of them around the hospital right now, even the uncle who left to Singapore, which is nice. My uncles got married and had kids at a very late age (I think one of them is around 50 now), and their son has only started primary school. What I'm trying to say is that at least my grandma gets to see all of her grandsons and granddaughter.
Oh, I also went to the St John's vegan fair last week. As for food, it's the same stalls as always, nothing new. As for products though, everything is expensive! There was this still that proudly sold cinnamon bun for $4.50! Didn't buy any products that day, but bought lots of Indian food because they're nice. And since it's always the same caterer, I know they are.. uh... well, pretty good! There was this stall selling slices of pizzas for $2 each though. I didn't get them because I had food done at home already (I got biryani rice from the Indian place to go with it). The vegan fair is also held in this brand new building that was just finished constructed earlier this summer. I heard complains that it's smaller than where it was previously held, but the place is nice and bright, so hey~
I work as one of the orientation coordinators, which means my life right now is way more busy. As the day approaches, we got to make sure everything is set. Before this week, we call to do bookings and what not. Now, we call to make sure they arrive on time! The down side of St John's is that there's only so many businesses that deals in certain things (ex: everyone goes to the same Dominos for catering because it's the closest/ Everyone orders their swag T-shirts from the same company), and apparently there were cases in previous years that the stuff arrives late because they had lots to do that day. The final preparations are the most stressful, but it also kind of feels rewarding. The fruit of our labours are starting to come to fruition. The only problem I can see that my colleague and I aren't exactly public speakers, so I guess I kind of afraid of going up the stage and give us a speech during the orientation (and so does my colleague).
 |
| Figure 37.1: WELCOME WELCOME! |
Not only that, because classes are starting (and contracts and leases are expiring), I am helping friends move to their new places. Sometimes after work, I just goes straight to whatever place they were living and pick up some boxes and suitcases and whatnot and carry them to their new place. So, that's what I'm doing in the morning and the afternoon, what about the evening? Well, evening I play. I play and watch whatever video game or tv shows I want to watch before working on some other stuff. I've emailed the head of the stats department some time ago and he finally replied. I asked him about the viability of a stats degree and what not, and he reassured me that "yes, it's very viable". He also said some of his former students did some online course on SAS. I always thought R is transferable to SAS, but I did see some job postings where they only want SAS, so I guess I should start picking up SAS then! At night, before I sleep, I dabble in some Duolingo for German and Swedish). I've been trying to consistently doing the exercises on it. So far, it's pretty easy (as I did not exactly start from absolute beginner), but I'm sure the difficulty is gonna ramp up once it reaches a point, especially German.
 |
| Figure 37.2: Slowly but surely |
Been playing Dragon Age 2. At first, I was super confused about it's map system. Boy, Kirkwall is huge! There's this day and night system, and all these different levels. The games too early for me to be this badass lightning shootin' fireball spewin' mage, but so far so good! Love it when they clump up so I can fireball them baddies.
No news from my family about my grandma. What that means is that there are no bad news (in this case, worse news) so far, which is good. The downside is that our family group chat has been awfully quiet of late, so that's bad. It has to be super rough for them, especially my mom. My mom's side of the family isn't like a "traditional" Chinese family in the sense that she does not have 7+ siblings, so they're all pretty close, and all of them around the hospital right now, even the uncle who left to Singapore, which is nice. My uncles got married and had kids at a very late age (I think one of them is around 50 now), and their son has only started primary school. What I'm trying to say is that at least my grandma gets to see all of her grandsons and granddaughter.
Oh, I also went to the St John's vegan fair last week. As for food, it's the same stalls as always, nothing new. As for products though, everything is expensive! There was this still that proudly sold cinnamon bun for $4.50! Didn't buy any products that day, but bought lots of Indian food because they're nice. And since it's always the same caterer, I know they are.. uh... well, pretty good! There was this stall selling slices of pizzas for $2 each though. I didn't get them because I had food done at home already (I got biryani rice from the Indian place to go with it). The vegan fair is also held in this brand new building that was just finished constructed earlier this summer. I heard complains that it's smaller than where it was previously held, but the place is nice and bright, so hey~
 |
| Figure 37.3: Vegan Fair |
Sunday, 26 August 2018
Title
First off, wow, what a grand finals for The International 2018. OG deserved the win, but good job to LGD too.
That being said, I think I am regressing to my lazy self. My hair's growing into this wild patch of grass and I don't have the motivation to shave. I look like some homeless person, or some shut-in right now (well, that's partially right too I guess).
There many things running around my mind. I'll just let you guys read the conversation. Sure, I could just type it out from my perspective, or you could just read it, and then... you know... uh.... stuff..
Man, cancer's a bitch. I always joke that my grandma is one of the healthiest grandma ever. She has an active lifestyle, an amazing diet, socially active too within her circle, and most importantly, her posture. Oh my, her posture. I always tell my mom you need to learn from your mom. "Hey ma, you're always complaining about your back pain! You should learn from 外婆！Don't back your back! Kneel!", but she (me mama) doesn't listen >:(
But cancer doesn't care. Cancer can hit the lungs of a marathon runner 10 years earlier than the man who has been smoking for 20 years. It's not fair, but it's what cancer do. So, from that side, I'm just feeling lots of emotions. I know my brother would be visiting home around next week and hopefully my grandma would not leave us till then. If given the choice, I'd rather her not leave us till I get back (in god knows when), but hey... a man can dream.
The other thing I kept on thinking off is my future. Where do I go after I graduate? What do I work as? What the hell can my degree even do? A bachelors in statistics is feeling more and more mysterious. I've been asking around, I've been going to career advisors, and boy... Let me start with this: A degree in statistics is extremely extremely EXTREMELY unpopular, not because it is useless (everyone will say it's super useful, no matter their discipline), but because it is said to be really difficult. Personally, I don't want to go to grad school (at least immediately after my bachelors), I want to work, get a job and stuff. Career advisors sadly knows nothing much about the discipline of mathematics, and just kind of refer me to the business/engineering/computer science (because they all use statistics right?). I mean yeah... they all use statistics, even linguistic uses statistics, but we'll leave the linguistics to the linguist, the engineering to the engineers, etc. etc. The other problem is that all of my professors are in academia, so they don't know much, at least about the professional work market.
What I want though, is to leave this island, somewhere new, and have my own apartment, my own kitchen, and maybe a pet bird. I still stand by my previous post, that I want to go to Deutschland, or Sverige, or some other parts of Canada, but not here. I don't hate Newfoundland, it's just I think its time for me to leave, start fresh, somewhere where there's more food choices. I'm currently making lots of different kinds of resumes, as different countries have different requirement. Germany's requires a photo (I'll take it once I get a haircut and a shave), while Sweden and Canada does not (due to some anti-discriminatory factor but my name kinda tells them I'm at least Asian). Of course, the hard part is actually getting a job offer, but I will not be deterred! I've already saved some of the German/Swedish job posting pages, and getting ready to submit my resume 1 month before I finish my studies or whenever they're hiring (hopefully around the time I graduate).
The other thing that's constantly in my mind, is that school is starting. I can't wait to get back to classes. I just want to finish and graduate. Final hurdle, last hoorah, insert motivational line here.
There are also many other mini things in my head, like constantly reminding myself that I need eggs. I've been rather sedimentary in my lifestyle lately, really really demotivated. So there's a lot of white noise in my head and the such too, but I'm constantly writing down the things I need to do on my wall, kind of as a reminder, and also as a motivation.
That being said, I think I am regressing to my lazy self. My hair's growing into this wild patch of grass and I don't have the motivation to shave. I look like some homeless person, or some shut-in right now (well, that's partially right too I guess).
There many things running around my mind. I'll just let you guys read the conversation. Sure, I could just type it out from my perspective, or you could just read it, and then... you know... uh.... stuff..
Man, cancer's a bitch. I always joke that my grandma is one of the healthiest grandma ever. She has an active lifestyle, an amazing diet, socially active too within her circle, and most importantly, her posture. Oh my, her posture. I always tell my mom you need to learn from your mom. "Hey ma, you're always complaining about your back pain! You should learn from 外婆！Don't back your back! Kneel!", but she (me mama) doesn't listen >:(
But cancer doesn't care. Cancer can hit the lungs of a marathon runner 10 years earlier than the man who has been smoking for 20 years. It's not fair, but it's what cancer do. So, from that side, I'm just feeling lots of emotions. I know my brother would be visiting home around next week and hopefully my grandma would not leave us till then. If given the choice, I'd rather her not leave us till I get back (in god knows when), but hey... a man can dream.
The other thing I kept on thinking off is my future. Where do I go after I graduate? What do I work as? What the hell can my degree even do? A bachelors in statistics is feeling more and more mysterious. I've been asking around, I've been going to career advisors, and boy... Let me start with this: A degree in statistics is extremely extremely EXTREMELY unpopular, not because it is useless (everyone will say it's super useful, no matter their discipline), but because it is said to be really difficult. Personally, I don't want to go to grad school (at least immediately after my bachelors), I want to work, get a job and stuff. Career advisors sadly knows nothing much about the discipline of mathematics, and just kind of refer me to the business/engineering/computer science (because they all use statistics right?). I mean yeah... they all use statistics, even linguistic uses statistics, but we'll leave the linguistics to the linguist, the engineering to the engineers, etc. etc. The other problem is that all of my professors are in academia, so they don't know much, at least about the professional work market.
What I want though, is to leave this island, somewhere new, and have my own apartment, my own kitchen, and maybe a pet bird. I still stand by my previous post, that I want to go to Deutschland, or Sverige, or some other parts of Canada, but not here. I don't hate Newfoundland, it's just I think its time for me to leave, start fresh, somewhere where there's more food choices. I'm currently making lots of different kinds of resumes, as different countries have different requirement. Germany's requires a photo (I'll take it once I get a haircut and a shave), while Sweden and Canada does not (due to some anti-discriminatory factor but my name kinda tells them I'm at least Asian). Of course, the hard part is actually getting a job offer, but I will not be deterred! I've already saved some of the German/Swedish job posting pages, and getting ready to submit my resume 1 month before I finish my studies or whenever they're hiring (hopefully around the time I graduate).
The other thing that's constantly in my mind, is that school is starting. I can't wait to get back to classes. I just want to finish and graduate. Final hurdle, last hoorah, insert motivational line here.
There are also many other mini things in my head, like constantly reminding myself that I need eggs. I've been rather sedimentary in my lifestyle lately, really really demotivated. So there's a lot of white noise in my head and the such too, but I'm constantly writing down the things I need to do on my wall, kind of as a reminder, and also as a motivation.
Thursday, 23 August 2018
死亡
I'm no stranger to people around me passing away. One of the most shocking passing so far was my cousin, who passed away in a car crash. I remember when my mom just came and told me: "Ah Pei 姐姐刚车祸走了。" I literally had this face: o_o. I didn't say anything, I just stared at my mom. I believe I was in college that time, I wasn't really close with her, but she's still family. I read the news article about the accident, there was a photo of her mom (my aunt) bawling at the funeral, it was a pretty sad photo. Unfortunately, I didn't attend the funeral. It was during exams and it was a few hours drive up north. Maybe I could have delayed my exams but my parents and I both agreed that it's too much of a hassle, all the things they have to sign and stuff so I remained at home while my parents go back to the hometown for the funeral. Yeah, it was quite surreal.
I was in a long distance relationship with this girl (let's call her Torino) during my second semester here in Memorial. I believe she's second generation Italian? Her parents are from Vietnam but she was born and raised in Italy. What that means is that she has like 10+ aunts and uncles (like a regular traditional Asian family that era), and one of the closest aunt of her dads passed away (stroke I think). I remember it was a huge hassle. She was staying up all night translating Italian to Vietnamese/Vietnamese to Italian etc. etc. Not only was it an emotional time, it was also an extremely busy time, she had no time to mourn and to be sad.
A few years after that, the Giantess' grandpa passed. I don't think I remember what was the circumstances. I wasn't there at the time (just like how I wasn't there during Torino's), but I remember about the things she told me. I remember that when I arrived, the passing of the grandpa was still... there... I was told that her mom took it really hard (it was the morfar/外公). And then that's when the passing of a partner comes in. It's not just the sadness and the mourning, but there's also a lifestyle change, especially when it's your partner, and you're the one alive I guess. Heh, morbid I know. She began her move out of her little lovely cottage to this apartment. I guess it gets lonely, and the house maintenance would be a little much for one old lady. The mormor was a sweet old lady though, can't believe she still remembered some of the English she learned from school.
I remember I was just on my computer that time, text some friends back in St John's, talking bout work and stuff, when suddenly she messaged the group saying that :"Chester Bennington has passed away". Y'kno, I googled it to make sure it ain't a fake, and then I told the Giantess and my Liga whatsapp group. I will never forget that one day, I think it was 3 days after I heard the news, I was washing the dishes and suddenly I started tearing up. Yeah, looking back, that was pretty interesting.
After I came back from Sweden to St John's, La Dame passed away just after a week after I saw her in the university. That one was surprising (kind of). When I saw her in the university, she was cheerful as always and she invited me to her place for Christmas just like every year, business as usual. Then suddenly, a close mutual friend messaged me the news. Apparently it was a heart attack. She fainted in the middle of a hike and the people she was with couldn't get her to some facility quick enough. I remember during her funeral, when we were all saying good things about her, one of the close friends got up and basically said: "I'm not sad, I'm angry!" Basically, her diet was atrocious. It was comprised of spaghetti, pasta sauce, and loads and loads of diet coke and pepsi. He said that he's been telling her that she needs to cut down on all these unhealthy stuff, and now it's too late. It was different, but that was him, he's that kind of guy and I respect him for it.
The next year...a few months ago actually, I heard news that my aunt has passed away, and then like 2 weeks later, the uncle (the husband). That one was a surprise and also not a surprise. The uncle was basically a chimney, smokes like 3 packets a day. My aunt passing first just shows how destructive secondhand smoke is I guess. That one was sad, because her house was kind of the de facto gathering place for the family. It's the only house big enough to fit like, 15 households? Everytime I go back to Malaysia, I will most definitely visit her place. She's already a grandmother, having grandkids and all, and she had like 9 siblings. I could just imagine the hospital and the funeral was just filled with family. Not only that, because the husband passed not long after she did, it feels.... strangely okay... Like, everything works out at the end sort of thing.
Just a few days ago, my dad messaged our family whatsapp group, telling us that the family has decided to remove my grandmother from life support, citing that the cancer has spread to both of her lungs. She's also been in a coma for awhile. My dad basically ended the message with: "So, I think we have to accept it." Boy oh boy, was I bawling that day. I called to tell work I couldn't come, and stayed home the whole day. I believe I was in my pyjamas the entire time. I was supposed to go to a friend's place to celebrate a birthday but I just couldn't, not with the mood. For as long as I have the ability to remember, this grandma is the only grandparent I have. I have not met anyone else as they all have passed away either way before I was born or when I was a little baby, so this one, this one is tough. Isn't it strange that I have never really used the word 公公 or 婆婆 in my life?
My dad has been keeping us updated on grandma's case. My mom has been in the hospital together with her brothers with their mom. The latest update is that she's still hooked up to the life support machine, still in a coma, but is now stable. The doctor also did say that from now on, it's all up in the air. We have to wait for a few days to see what happens. I wonder what's happening back home. My dad has never been the emotional kind, and only send information that we need to know. How's my mom doing? How's my aunt and uncles doing? How's my cousin doing? She lives with grandma, I wonder what's happening over there? I want to ask but I also don't want to ask.
Honestly, for an 83 year old lady, grandma is a goddamn fighter. She has been living an extremely healthy lifestyle. Back when she used to live by herself, she wakes up early in the morning everyday to attend Tai chi, goes to the morning market and do groceries, goes to the temple, tend to her doggies, make food, and then I believe she goes to sleep at around 7pm or 9pm. When she got too old, there was an argument going on in the family, whether she should move closer to her sons or not. We all live in the capital, while she lives down south. As she get older, she becomes more dependent, and we couldn't just drop by and check up on her if she's living 4 hours away. Basically, it was an argument if the pros outweighs the cons, as that means she has to give up all her friends, all this routine activity, to come live with us at the city. Well it happened, and my cousin moves in with her just cause.
I dunno, the thought that she's going to go, not because she went, but because we pulled the plug just wrecked me. If it were just news that she has passed, I'll still probably be sad, but would be at peace with it quicker. But knowing that they have decided to turn off the life support machine just... ugh... It feels like giving up, y'know? I understand that her condition is less than ideal: old age, cancer on both lungs, coma; but still... It's.... I mean I have always been a stubborn boy, so it feels like I just can't accept this. I also see the grim reality of it, let's say she did survive, but what kind of quality of life would she be having? I just... ugh...
UPDATE: Well, I guess its time. She's not getting any better. I've been told that the priests have came and gave their blessings and all. Apparently, the cancer cells are already out of control and her age isn't helping either. Mom has not been talking on the group, it must be a tough time back home. I want to be there. I want to be there for all of this. I wanted to be there for Torino, for the Giantess, and especially my family but not only I'm not there, I have no one here with me. I'm physically and metaphorically on this isolated island.
I was in a long distance relationship with this girl (let's call her Torino) during my second semester here in Memorial. I believe she's second generation Italian? Her parents are from Vietnam but she was born and raised in Italy. What that means is that she has like 10+ aunts and uncles (like a regular traditional Asian family that era), and one of the closest aunt of her dads passed away (stroke I think). I remember it was a huge hassle. She was staying up all night translating Italian to Vietnamese/Vietnamese to Italian etc. etc. Not only was it an emotional time, it was also an extremely busy time, she had no time to mourn and to be sad.
A few years after that, the Giantess' grandpa passed. I don't think I remember what was the circumstances. I wasn't there at the time (just like how I wasn't there during Torino's), but I remember about the things she told me. I remember that when I arrived, the passing of the grandpa was still... there... I was told that her mom took it really hard (it was the morfar/外公). And then that's when the passing of a partner comes in. It's not just the sadness and the mourning, but there's also a lifestyle change, especially when it's your partner, and you're the one alive I guess. Heh, morbid I know. She began her move out of her little lovely cottage to this apartment. I guess it gets lonely, and the house maintenance would be a little much for one old lady. The mormor was a sweet old lady though, can't believe she still remembered some of the English she learned from school.
I remember I was just on my computer that time, text some friends back in St John's, talking bout work and stuff, when suddenly she messaged the group saying that :"Chester Bennington has passed away". Y'kno, I googled it to make sure it ain't a fake, and then I told the Giantess and my Liga whatsapp group. I will never forget that one day, I think it was 3 days after I heard the news, I was washing the dishes and suddenly I started tearing up. Yeah, looking back, that was pretty interesting.
After I came back from Sweden to St John's, La Dame passed away just after a week after I saw her in the university. That one was surprising (kind of). When I saw her in the university, she was cheerful as always and she invited me to her place for Christmas just like every year, business as usual. Then suddenly, a close mutual friend messaged me the news. Apparently it was a heart attack. She fainted in the middle of a hike and the people she was with couldn't get her to some facility quick enough. I remember during her funeral, when we were all saying good things about her, one of the close friends got up and basically said: "I'm not sad, I'm angry!" Basically, her diet was atrocious. It was comprised of spaghetti, pasta sauce, and loads and loads of diet coke and pepsi. He said that he's been telling her that she needs to cut down on all these unhealthy stuff, and now it's too late. It was different, but that was him, he's that kind of guy and I respect him for it.
The next year...a few months ago actually, I heard news that my aunt has passed away, and then like 2 weeks later, the uncle (the husband). That one was a surprise and also not a surprise. The uncle was basically a chimney, smokes like 3 packets a day. My aunt passing first just shows how destructive secondhand smoke is I guess. That one was sad, because her house was kind of the de facto gathering place for the family. It's the only house big enough to fit like, 15 households? Everytime I go back to Malaysia, I will most definitely visit her place. She's already a grandmother, having grandkids and all, and she had like 9 siblings. I could just imagine the hospital and the funeral was just filled with family. Not only that, because the husband passed not long after she did, it feels.... strangely okay... Like, everything works out at the end sort of thing.
Just a few days ago, my dad messaged our family whatsapp group, telling us that the family has decided to remove my grandmother from life support, citing that the cancer has spread to both of her lungs. She's also been in a coma for awhile. My dad basically ended the message with: "So, I think we have to accept it." Boy oh boy, was I bawling that day. I called to tell work I couldn't come, and stayed home the whole day. I believe I was in my pyjamas the entire time. I was supposed to go to a friend's place to celebrate a birthday but I just couldn't, not with the mood. For as long as I have the ability to remember, this grandma is the only grandparent I have. I have not met anyone else as they all have passed away either way before I was born or when I was a little baby, so this one, this one is tough. Isn't it strange that I have never really used the word 公公 or 婆婆 in my life?
My dad has been keeping us updated on grandma's case. My mom has been in the hospital together with her brothers with their mom. The latest update is that she's still hooked up to the life support machine, still in a coma, but is now stable. The doctor also did say that from now on, it's all up in the air. We have to wait for a few days to see what happens. I wonder what's happening back home. My dad has never been the emotional kind, and only send information that we need to know. How's my mom doing? How's my aunt and uncles doing? How's my cousin doing? She lives with grandma, I wonder what's happening over there? I want to ask but I also don't want to ask.
Honestly, for an 83 year old lady, grandma is a goddamn fighter. She has been living an extremely healthy lifestyle. Back when she used to live by herself, she wakes up early in the morning everyday to attend Tai chi, goes to the morning market and do groceries, goes to the temple, tend to her doggies, make food, and then I believe she goes to sleep at around 7pm or 9pm. When she got too old, there was an argument going on in the family, whether she should move closer to her sons or not. We all live in the capital, while she lives down south. As she get older, she becomes more dependent, and we couldn't just drop by and check up on her if she's living 4 hours away. Basically, it was an argument if the pros outweighs the cons, as that means she has to give up all her friends, all this routine activity, to come live with us at the city. Well it happened, and my cousin moves in with her just cause.
I dunno, the thought that she's going to go, not because she went, but because we pulled the plug just wrecked me. If it were just news that she has passed, I'll still probably be sad, but would be at peace with it quicker. But knowing that they have decided to turn off the life support machine just... ugh... It feels like giving up, y'know? I understand that her condition is less than ideal: old age, cancer on both lungs, coma; but still... It's.... I mean I have always been a stubborn boy, so it feels like I just can't accept this. I also see the grim reality of it, let's say she did survive, but what kind of quality of life would she be having? I just... ugh...
UPDATE: Well, I guess its time. She's not getting any better. I've been told that the priests have came and gave their blessings and all. Apparently, the cancer cells are already out of control and her age isn't helping either. Mom has not been talking on the group, it must be a tough time back home. I want to be there. I want to be there for all of this. I wanted to be there for Torino, for the Giantess, and especially my family but not only I'm not there, I have no one here with me. I'm physically and metaphorically on this isolated island.
Monday, 20 August 2018
When It Rains, It Pours
I've gotten news that they have just taken my grandma off life support. Apparently the cancer has spread to both of her lungs. She's also been in coma for some time already. Doctors says it's time.
Man, I can't. I'm trying to move forward, I really am.
Man, I can't. I'm trying to move forward, I really am.
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