That being said, I think I am regressing to my lazy self. My hair's growing into this wild patch of grass and I don't have the motivation to shave. I look like some homeless person, or some shut-in right now (well, that's partially right too I guess).
There many things running around my mind. I'll just let you guys read the conversation. Sure, I could just type it out from my perspective, or you could just read it, and then... you know... uh.... stuff..
Man, cancer's a bitch. I always joke that my grandma is one of the healthiest grandma ever. She has an active lifestyle, an amazing diet, socially active too within her circle, and most importantly, her posture. Oh my, her posture. I always tell my mom you need to learn from your mom. "Hey ma, you're always complaining about your back pain! You should learn from 外婆！Don't back your back! Kneel!", but she (me mama) doesn't listen >:(
But cancer doesn't care. Cancer can hit the lungs of a marathon runner 10 years earlier than the man who has been smoking for 20 years. It's not fair, but it's what cancer do. So, from that side, I'm just feeling lots of emotions. I know my brother would be visiting home around next week and hopefully my grandma would not leave us till then. If given the choice, I'd rather her not leave us till I get back (in god knows when), but hey... a man can dream.
The other thing I kept on thinking off is my future. Where do I go after I graduate? What do I work as? What the hell can my degree even do? A bachelors in statistics is feeling more and more mysterious. I've been asking around, I've been going to career advisors, and boy... Let me start with this: A degree in statistics is extremely extremely EXTREMELY unpopular, not because it is useless (everyone will say it's super useful, no matter their discipline), but because it is said to be really difficult. Personally, I don't want to go to grad school (at least immediately after my bachelors), I want to work, get a job and stuff. Career advisors sadly knows nothing much about the discipline of mathematics, and just kind of refer me to the business/engineering/computer science (because they all use statistics right?). I mean yeah... they all use statistics, even linguistic uses statistics, but we'll leave the linguistics to the linguist, the engineering to the engineers, etc. etc. The other problem is that all of my professors are in academia, so they don't know much, at least about the professional work market.
What I want though, is to leave this island, somewhere new, and have my own apartment, my own kitchen, and maybe a pet bird. I still stand by my previous post, that I want to go to Deutschland, or Sverige, or some other parts of Canada, but not here. I don't hate Newfoundland, it's just I think its time for me to leave, start fresh, somewhere where there's more food choices. I'm currently making lots of different kinds of resumes, as different countries have different requirement. Germany's requires a photo (I'll take it once I get a haircut and a shave), while Sweden and Canada does not (due to some anti-discriminatory factor but my name kinda tells them I'm at least Asian). Of course, the hard part is actually getting a job offer, but I will not be deterred! I've already saved some of the German/Swedish job posting pages, and getting ready to submit my resume 1 month before I finish my studies or whenever they're hiring (hopefully around the time I graduate).
The other thing that's constantly in my mind, is that school is starting. I can't wait to get back to classes. I just want to finish and graduate. Final hurdle, last hoorah, insert motivational line here.
There are also many other mini things in my head, like constantly reminding myself that I need eggs. I've been rather sedimentary in my lifestyle lately, really really demotivated. So there's a lot of white noise in my head and the such too, but I'm constantly writing down the things I need to do on my wall, kind of as a reminder, and also as a motivation.
No comments:
Post a Comment