So what now? Well... business as usual!
My plan of migrating to Europe (Germany/Sweden as it's the 2 language I can sort of speak as opposed to not knowing at all) is still a go!
The plan is to find a job, get kinda good at it, and then start applying for similar jobs abroad. I couldn't just jump to another country right after graduation because not only it is extremely risky, who would want to hire a fresh graduate that doesn't properly speak the language, and requires a boatload of paperwork to hire (due to immigration reasons), and did not graduate from a local institution. I'm totally aware of all these.
I gave myself maybe till the age of 29 to hit that goal? Hopefully earlier, as 29 is really a bit too close to 30.
I know I got the moral support of my professor. He told me to go for it, while I'm still young.
Not just that, right now there are 2 parts of migration for me.
I am hoping to move to a different city by the end of the year. I've spoke to many local professionals in the banking, insurance, and related industries, and all of them told me that I do not really have good prospects if I were to stay in St John's. My degree is much more useful in the headquarters of all these companies, which are located in the cities. Unless I were to plan to work with "ma and pa" (family businesses), I'm much better off looking for a job in cities like Toronto, or Alberta, etc.
So that's the first plan. The second plan is to get enough experience in those places and then move to a whole different country. Of course, I have to stay there for a few years first.
Does all these seem really crazy and reckless still? I don't know. It all seems sane to me. I've been holding on to this goal for quite a while now, and I ain't budging. I guess this is one of those stubborn moments, heh.
Of course, there is a side effect with this plan. Relationships.
It's hard to build lasting relationships knowing that I'm planning to leave by the end of the year. Current relationships can be maintained, but when I leave, then what. Historically, lots of friends have left. Maybe they graduated, maybe they were exchange students, or maybe we just lost contact, and sheepishly say hi when we do see each other, nothing more. So far this doesn't effect me very much. Which comes to this horrible thought: If it doesn't matter, why bother making friends?
Woah woah woah, hold up there. That's a really dangerous thought that will really change a person. This is one of those the ends justifies the means situation, and I am aware of that. Unfortunately, it really do feel easier to not make any friends. I guess I only have this feeling because I have this goal in my mind. This goal is basically telling me: It doesn't matter if you're gonna make friends, because you're gonna leave anyway, so why bother? Sometimes, I get a rush of confidence when I feel like that, because it gave me the illusion that I'm strong and independent that doesn't need anyone. On the other hand, the lows are lows, and the realization sometimes makes me feel lonely. No friends till age 29? That's madness! I don't know, that's tough.
The other things is of course with partners. It is clear that I shouldn't enter a relationship till I move to the city (and it's not like I'm looking anyway). But maybe something will happen and then another long distance will happen but I doubt. See: paragraph above.
But then, let's say, hypothetically: I am indeed going to migrate to another country. Ie: My plan is not changed. Then, is it fair for me and the other person to enter a romantic relationship? Unless they are planning to move with me, or go again for another long distance in our late 20s, is it really fair? If so, just like the friend question above: should I, with good conscious, say if I were to meet someone and we kinda liked each other, should we get together? This is all one of life's greatest mystery I guess.
Either way, this is what is going on right now. I am still sticking to my plan, nothing's changed.
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