~(@.@~)

  The title of this post is exactly how I feel lately. Even having a good night's rest, I feel drained. I have no motivation to do anything, as if a spiritual vampire was sucking me off every night. Only reason why I got out of bed is cause I am adult enough to not wet the bed. Once I'm up, I keep on telling myself: "Jerry keep going, keeeeep going", because I can feel myself not wanting to do anything.

  Not only that, my headspace also has been rather... airy... It feels like my head is just floating around, wandering, with no clear purpose. I've been writing down everything I have to do, if not I will forget. This may sound ordinary, but I am seriously simply forgetting EVERYTHING. I had my housemates just come up to me and remind me of a plan that I have no idea I said yes to (and then I check the WhatsApp messages and I did say yes!) I even have to force myself to do the things I want to do. Heck, I personally invited my friends to go watch Mamma Mia!2 in two days (cause I really would love to watch it), but there's this buzz in my head that tells me to just skip it; or rather, skip doing anything, don't do anything, do what then? It didn't specify, it just gives me this feeling to cancel plans and stuff. It's so bothersome. I don't hate it. I'm supposed to hate it and I know I should hate it but right now I don't have energy to hate. Jeeeezzzzz

  Speaking about the buzz in my head, it's getting worst. It feels like... this (click to enjoy!). This obnoxious buzzing is seriously dampening my mood. I have not been doing much the past few weeks; been passing the time just by simply listening to music. It's been a rather... discouraging time. It's not like I'm giving up too... giving up means that there was something to began with, something like a goal, or a hope, but right now it feels like nothing, like that "thing" doesn't exists. I dunno... I'm just rambling.

  I did finally push myself to do most of the chores I have procrastinated for too long though, so that's nice. I've also recently said yes to joining a book club, so I guess I will be attending that too. I guess I have to find the time and energy to start reading book club books. How does a book club work anyway? I just say "yes" to things now. Do I really want to join this book club? Well... yes and no... it's complicated but it isn't too, I'm just too exhausted to explain and think. Here's a song by the way, it's pretty good. The lyrics are pretty nice and sweet I think. When you (yes you! the reader!) have the time, go check out the live version on YouTube.




  I guess I just seek solace in these blog post. One of these days, it's gonna be a positive blog post. And when that day comes, it'd be great, I promise (myself) :)