Personally, I have no intention to go back to Malaysia. The other thing is that, it seems like there isn't any future here for me in St John's (according to my professors and many other recruiters I spoke to), which means there's a high high HIGH chance that I'll have to leave this place once I'm done.
I've also often heard that your first job is usually not your permanent job, and you'll probably shift to some other job after you get some experience. These thoughts are scaring me. Must I always have little material belongings for I must always prepare to move? Not just that, does that I mean I have to go to a new place, and make new friends here and there? Corollary to that, does that mean I'll probably could never be in a long term relationship for the next few years as my stay at whatever place is not permanent?
My friends back home, when they go abroad for their studies, they already have 2 things in mind: they either stay in whatever city they did their studies in and find a job there, or they go back to Malaysia. See, that's the thing, lot's of my friends went to study abroad in huge cities, where I believe it's easier to find a job no matter your degree. St John's, despite being the capital of a province, is just not big enough to have that opportunity.
So here I am, pondering... Will I ever settle down in a place? What I mean by this is by a certain age of course. I don't expect a 60 year old man to be constantly moving around; if I do retire, I have to pick a place to retire too anyway. All these thoughts tires me out very much. I have no idea how one make friends outside university, or how one even find dates outside university (besides online dating). Pretty much all of my friends found their partner when they were in uni, and are still together, or they used Tinder and am now together, so I have no idea how does one find someone, and I have no intention in getting Tinder or whatever.
The other thing is friends. I've always been told that you can be friendly to your colleagues, but not actual friends with them. Those that told me that are also in the cutthroat world of business, so maybe that wouldn't really apply to me, or this generation, but lets say that advice is true, which means the workplace is not really an option. How about those hobby places, like joining a DnD group, or some martial arts lessons? In my experience, I pretty much only see those people during those sessions. We never really did go out, or talk outside it. If we saw each other, we say hi, that's about it. In my university life, usually I make friends with other newly arrived folks too. We might not have similar interest all the time, but we bond through the fact that we are foreign. Heck, I don't think I really have any local friends. Lots of them already have their group of friends when I arrive, and then there's the language and culture barrier and all too. But you see, it's easy in university, because there's events held for all these new-to-here folks. Not just that, the date is extremely convenient. Since the semester starts in a specific date, its much easier to set that up. But for work is different, you don't get that luxury.
I don't know, it's stressing me out. All these thoughts are also making me feel lonelier and lonelier. How lonely? Well... it's a "I'm telling all these to a blog" kind of lonely.
Yeah but whatevs... It's all part of life isn't it?
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| Figure 53.1: .... |
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